Him

Amsterdam, Dam Square
18.07.15
Day time

I found myself strolling around in the city centre or whatever the Dutch call their Dam Square is, as usual Dam Square always full of so many tourists and locals trying to get as many sun light as they could in this sunny weather, some of them just sitting on the bricks under this white monument which I never really paid attention -more pen shapes kinda monument-. This is my year-two already for having flown back and forth from Jakarta-Amsterdam. Nothing special that day, unless all outlets were full of bunch people trying to get their luck on sale season. Me included. I decided to buy myself a backpack i thought, because this time i don't bring my big luggage with me, meaning not even i bring a small purse with me to carry my stuff during my 3 days staying,.. and in anyway i don't think bring the big buddy will be useful for me, ugh what for? this is like the shortest schedule and i don't feel like the need to drag that heavy luggage here and there..

I park my bike, the hotel bike actually, in the front of this tall pen-shapes monument across of Bijnkorf Mall, I double lock the bike and start wandering alone for the first time in Amsterdam, at Dam Square, but this time is different i don't feel so alone after all, perhaps because I needed my own time, need my own quality time or I thought I deserve to do whatever I want to, going aimless.

HnM, like always full of people lurking into displays, especially with "SALE" statement above, Nah, I'm just going right away to a backpack section or the bags section, and not disappointed I see this little medium backpack with a hydrant color on it, mostly blue black with bright neon green and yellowish burst, but i don't care, looks pretty cool! I thought this one is a perfect size and even my freaking macbook 13'' could be fit in it. After buying impulsively the backpack and the black beanie, I kinda have the urge to lick some sour and fresh ice cream.. and just beside this HnM store, I can find this famous ice cream counter and decided to have a mango ice cream double with a marsh mellow on top of that. Again, I'm going aimless, walking down slowly and found myself to a street performer -later that i found out that they are a British indie band trying to go worldwide- singing Valerie song by Amy Winehouse, pretty cool I must say..

During my aimless pace, i stop by whereas the crowds are, and it turns out there is another performance, street performance, i think they're going to do some kinda hip-hop street dance, but NAH, they don't! in fact before they do the performing they took off their hat and start collecting the money from the crowds. Smart bastard i think, great moves to collect money before the crowds disappear after watch them disappointedly. One of the performer guy pointing to a big tall guy standing in front of me asking for donating one or two or even five euros for the performance-which-not-even-starting-yet-GOSH! And when the performer guy asking this tall blonde guy about where he's come from, i heard this guy replied, Germany..

***

One word, one country, and it goes back to Him. He the one whose name I rather not to publish widely, after all he deserves the peaceful live without being known. He, who knows too much of me, who knows far more details of myself, every misery, pain, sadness, joy, happiness I bear this whole time. He the one who the past few days I don't talk with...

That little grin He does, his beard that I crave, his silly joke that made no sense, his companion every night, his supporting character that I cherish, his deep cute little dimple that I  never knew i addicted to, His muscular feature, the colour of his eyes that is so dark and brown which i can drawn in it, the sad yet soothing kinda eyes he have, that diamond tattoo he has on his inner right leg, his haircut that i remember, german accent that he got, the way he teases me, I think I like every little details of his features.. of his existence as a whole.

***

The performance turned out not as spectacular as I expected, in fact it is disappointing. But this troops of Germans make me think back of the one whose accompany i'm longing the most. I have to admit I miss him so much, but the situation is hard for both of us. Nothing we could do about it.

Centraal Station
16:37

I'm looking for the medium-little pouch that i've been eyeing before but never make it to buying, so on this particular chance, I head to Hema in the Centraal station then I grab it and heading to the cashier but distracted to this big chocolate croissant, so another impulsive-buying without even being hungry. I pay to the cashier and walking through a book store! I'm going to the best seller English version stack of books, there it is! The Girl in the Train this bastard awesome novel i've been looking for everywhere back in Indonesia, but everywhere was sold out. I took it, read the back of the book, and distracted to a small little novel with some kind of detective-mystery kind of novel, so yeah another money to spend, but i hope these two damn things better be worth every euros I spent :'D. All of a sudden i see a blink notification, its from whatsapp, its him. Him.

I smiled, having this weird sensation that at this moment, at this particular time, after days we don't talk to each other, not even quite hearing from him let alone just a simply un-meaningful smiley, no, nothing from him, nothing. I scratch my eyes without even being itchy reassure myself that my eyes isn't deceiving me this time, no, it is indeed a message from Him.. he might miss me, i guess. He thinks about me, yeah he does... Let alone the thoughts of him making me having this idiotic smile. I don't care, but am too afraid to read it, too afraid of the content might destroy this temporary joy. But all I know that I'm  happy due to my longing wasn't so lonesome nonetheless, the other being in another part on the same land was having the same feeling. All I know i need to go outside from this Centraal Station and take my bike! I walk fastly, and I remember that while moving from HnM to Centraal station, I parked my bike in front of the port across the Centraal Station whereas I could crystal clearly see that all the tourist has  making in line to sail the amsterdam canal in this beautiful weather. Aah how beautiful Amsterdam when its not being such a prick cold-windy-freezing weather.

After unlocking my bike and seeing this couple giving kisses to each other at the edge of the port, I sigh, hoping i could do the same thing to the one that feel so far away to me.. I'm putting my earplug on, and put my playlist on shuffle, and Ed Sheeran song start playing, and yeah so I back to the hotel while staring this beautiful Amsterdam canal under the sun ray.